EVIL WILL COME.

This summer,

I finally got the chance to catch up on some of the books I had been meaning to read for quite some time, but never actually got around to, and - being a passionate Agatha Christie reader - one of them happened to be Death on the Nile.

There are those books that are difficult to get into. The ones that seem to drag on without ever really getting anywhere, and then there are the ones that you simply cannot bring yourself to put down. The ones so captivating that they make you lose all sense of time and space - as was the case with this particular book.
I would sit on the patio for hours, basking in the sunshine while a mild breeze was weaving its way through the luscious green canopy of the trees, with no desire to do anything but read.
I would tell myself I would read for one hour before getting back to work, but somehow, that plan never lasted. Not with this book.

I arrived at a certain passage.

The detective, Monsieur Hercule Poirot, found himself in conversation with what was believed to be the victim of the story - a young woman named Jacqueline, all alone in the world, betrayed, cheated on, and determined to raise hell.
Having lost her fiancé to her wealthy and successful best friend, and vice versa, she decided to follow them around wherever they went.
Every event the newlywed couple attended - she would be there.
Every activity they had planned together - she would follow them, and position herself directly in their line of sight.

Always close and yet out of reach. Always polite, but never friendly.
She had made it her life’s goal to seek revenge, and to drown herself in spite and sorrow, and to take the happy couple down that dark avenue with her.

Horrified, Hercule Poirot grasped her arm, and said:

“Do not open your heart to evil.
Because - if you do - evil will come… It will enter in and make its home within you, and after a little while it will no longer be possible to drive it out.”

After a moment, I realized that I had paused - the book still resting in my hands while my eyes remained firmly fixed on that one passage - and it struck me how much weight those words were actually carrying.
Undeniably, Agatha Christie had a talent for crafting the most bizzare fictional crime stories, and yet beneath all the twists, murders and mysteries, she never failed to conceal some deeper truth within them.

Almost instantly,

the recorder stored somewhere in the back of my mind began to play a tape of old memories that I had thought long forgotten and buried beneath ‘better choices’.
Moments, when I could have chosen differently - when I should have chosen differently.
When I could have taken a different path, protected my energy and kept my heart shut from wickedness, but decided to unlock it and let evil enter anyway.

Inevitably, and as predicted by our dear Detective Poirot, evil did make its home within me, and along with it came spite, jealousy, hatred and unkindness.
Their dark and suffocating vines crept through my entire body until they had choked out every trace of goodness, and left me with no light to reach for.
Consumed by negativity, the person I had once been was gone, obscured by thoughts of darkness, malice, and revenge.

Revenge.

A brief moment of satisfaction in which we convince ourselves of how powerful we are - until the sensation fades, and we feel small and invisible once again.
And then we realize that seeking revenge was never the solution to our problem. We felt hurt, perhaps deceived, and we swore to ourselves that they should experience the same agonizing pain we did, certain it would free us from the ache of betrayal.

I am right, aren’t I?

Yet all the negative emotions were still there, still lingering inside, just temporarily numbed by a sense of dominion.
Instead of focusing on the present moment and ourselves - our goals, our dreams, moving forward - we decided to allow precious energy to be drained from us and to dwell in the past rather than look toward the future.

It made me realize that I was never truly evil - just deeply hurt - and at the time, I did not know a healthier way to process my emotions than through malice, desperately trying to protect myself from further pain.
Looking back, the word itself sounds so silly, so small, and nothing like me at all.

However,

I do disagree with Poirot’s accusation that, once evil has made its home within us, it will no longer be possible to drive it out.

It is possible!

It does take a lot of willpower, strength, and commitment, but it is true that we are always one choice away from an entirely different life. One choice away from a path that, perhaps, we would not have taken if it wasn’t for the active choice of changing ourselves.
If we open the door to evil, it will open many more doors entirely on its own and without our consent, and before we realize it, all our decisions are made not by us - but by the darkness that lives inside us, creeping through the corridors of our minds until it has poisoned every thought and action.

Life is so much more than hatred, jealousy, spite and revenge.

It has so much more to offer if only we let ourselves be guided by the light and the goodness that lives in our hearts, and by kindness and positivity.
At times, it will be challenging to choose the path that actually aligns with who we want to become, but I can assure you that it will be rewarding.

I promise.
I believe in you.